Mindfulness for the Holidays: Don’t beat yourself up if you find balance elusive during the holiday

I have always struggled with holiday breaks from school. No matter how much I want to cuddle on a couch and zone out to TV for a day, I cannot seem to get myself to sit down. Through decades of holiday breaks as a student and a teacher, I

have learned that it takes me about a week to calm my ass down enough to let go of the rules that my midwestern work ethic has bored into me.

Of course except for summer, (I spend it teaching summer school) most of our breaks have been whittled down to roughly a week. Not enough time to enjoy the time off on my couch doing nothing. Unless. I employ some heavy meditations and reflections about the thought patterns that are driving me and release myself from them… sigh. Sounds a lot like work to give me freedom from work.

Don’t get me wrong. The time that I have taken to do that work is always worth it. I feel lighter and less burdened. It’s easy to create intentions around something that is healing. However, the reality is there are some days when I cannot bring myself to care about whether I am balanced or not.

I imagined my break as some sort of isolated, meditative retreat where I would sit for days, part of the day focused on my breath and chakras and the rest of the day would be spent writing about meditation for you. When I realized I was approaching each intended activity with dread I decided to get curious and follow my instincts which meant a little bit of journaling and moving on to something not so quite prescribed.

I'm a stubborn person who loathes to be told what to do. As I've grown this has become a much less dysfunctional characteristic.

I'm a stubborn person who loathes to be told what to do. That includes things I know are good for me. As I've grown this has become a much less dysfunctional characteristic but, every once in a while it gets me.

I intended to spend my mornings completing a breathing meditation. Instead, I have been reading a new book, rather than the spiritual books I usually turn to. In the afternoon I found myself listening to music while raking leaves rather than sitting focused on my chakras. I decorated my daughter's room for a Christmas surprise when I thought I'd be writing.

Getting curious I realized that I haven't felt “bad” during my time off. I have had a hard time being still even when all I wanted to do was cocoon on the couch watching TV, so I get up and stretch, clean the kitchen, make a cat fort, and try again by allowing my mind to get lost in the story of the show.

I also realized that I haven't necessarily let my mind wander. Yes, I got lost in the tasks, but at the same time, I enjoyed the dwindling fall sunshine and creating a winter wonderland for my daughter. As I am sitting here, surrounded by books and cats, writing to you I know now that I was seeking balance and I achieved it. All while honoring who I am and not fighting against it. The universe and I met in the middle to achieve a wonderfully productive and relaxing break.

The universe and I met in the middle to achieve a wonderfully productive and relaxing break.

Next time you find yourself thinking, "I should meditate," explore your feelings around any hesitation, and if needed, permit yourself to do something else you enjoy. Get curious about your feelings and be kind to yourself, including that sneaky stubborn side that just can't be told what to do.