Mindfulness Blog for Educators: Recognizing Soft Spots

When we talk about vulnerability and what is needed to increase it, we need to talk about how we define and defend ourselves.

I am trustworthy… I am fair… I am intelligent. These are the bricks in the wall that we build to protect ourselves.

If it’s difficult to conjure your definitions, it helps to think about the person that drives us crazy in a day; maybe a specific person or a type of person that we cannot seem to connect with. The list of reasons for this person’s low stature in our opinion will often be the opposite of the labels we apply to our own personality.

They are sneaky… They don’t play nice… They are idiots.

The attributes we loathe are often what we choose to believe are the weakest parts of ourselves. This is the soft shame that is behind the wall we started building when we were young. It’s become soft shame because we hardly know it is there anymore.

It seems counterintuitive that taking down our defenses is a protective act. When the wall we’re hiding behind is created from false messages- usually other people’s messages- we are hiding in shame. It’s exhausting to live in fear of being “found out”.

Acknowledging the soft spots we’ve been trying to hide, allows us to start seeing the what others are protecting. Once we see behind the wall others have erected we understand that their fears are no different than our own.

What if people don’t trust me? What if I can’t trust anyone? What if people find out what I don’t know?

There is much to be gained from from lowering the defenses

1. We drop the "us versus them" mindset when we approach or respond to others.

Allowing other people to be right can result in surprising discoveries. Curiosity is heightened when we consider every interaction as a potential learning opportunity, whether it’s with a kid or a colleague.

2. Focus is shifted to what other people are saying and not saying.

Hiding our soft spots pulls our focus inward during interactions, and we miss important messages that are being sent our way. This is particularly important when talking to children who can’t verbalize their needs.

3. Being a person of our own creation

Letting go of beliefs that don’t serve us allows room to shape and live our values, essentially being our truest self.

Or course, being vulnerable in our daily interactions is not simple. There are many fears to contend with, the biggest being rejection. Start small and choose one person that you feel safe with, but haven't bared all to.

After your interaction reflect or maybe journal on the 3 benefits listed above and the differences you experienced. As with all aspects of mindfulness, vulnerability requires practice, as well as accepting that the success will outweigh the inevitable failures.

Be brave.