Mindfulness Blog for Educators: Meeting Students Where They Are At

"Compassion is not a relationship between the healer and the wounded. It's a relationship between equals." Pema Chödrön

Working with children and adolescents has its inherent challenges. As teachers and providers, we have all found ourselves involved in a power struggle with the kids we support. We usually know when we are in a tug of war, however it can be hard to understand how we got there.

It might seem easy to reflect on our power struggles and simplify them by using words like "disrespect", which dismisses the more complex student experience. We often find ourselves in these frustrating situations when our conviction outweighs the compassion we hold for the children we interact with daily.

I recently found myself in a conversation with another special education teacher who works in a co-taught class made up of a challenging group of 9th-grade students. She was discussing the difficulty of getting the teacher she collaborates with to buy into the idea of introducing a reward system to the class. One teacher felt the idea was not appropriate for high school and the other believed that the students' chosen reward of earning time to play board games matched the maturity level of who they were working with each day.

Both of those teachers had compassion for their students, however, one teacher seemed to be approaching the class with the belief that the curriculum was the highest priority and that the 14-year-old students she was teaching should be walking into her class with the same belief.

Reflect, Recognize and Repair

There is a saying that I come back to frequently-when you meet 5 a**holes in a day, you're the one acting like an a**hole. In some instances, it can take me weeks to realize what my role in a conflict is, but the better my mindfulness practice, the quicker I can catch it.

It's not enough to admit that you may have done harm in your relationship with your students. I would offer that it's just as important to avoid getting caught up in a storyline about being a bad person. Engaging with that thought pattern mindfully can be difficult, but it's a crucial step because when we associate shame with reflection we will begin to avoid it.

As our beliefs become stronger, the boundaries of our self become stronger, and we find it more difficult to connect with other human beings. We become ‘walled-in’ by the strong structures of our identity.

Steve Taylor Ph.D.

Meeting a student or client where they are at also requires a recognition that the goal got lost. It's easy to do when we have been asked to be accountable for standardized test scores as well as parent needs and obligations to the district. I believe that children succeed when we teach them about and support their sense of agency.

Repairing with a student or class requires an honest conversation. When we acknowledge our humanity and the mistakes that come along with it, we are setting aside the power structure we can grip too tightly to as teachers, providers and even parents.

Open Heart

Everyday working with children and adolescents comes with new challenges and new opportunities to honestly explore which convictions allow us to create connections. Perhaps it starts with replacing the belief that there are certain types of children that succeed. Approaching each student we meet with an open heart allows us to see that success will look different for every student and everyday.

Serve With Wisdom is here to help coach you through the moments of struggle or self doubt. We will be sharing that coaching service soon. In the meantime, check out the Mindful Educator Resource Guide or exercises and journal topics that can jump start your passion for this profession. Grab the guide on Amazon.